Dear John Letter #2 February 19,1969
I have been thinking about you and how to write this letter ever since I got your letter. I really couldn’t believe that you thought I was being cruel because that was the furthest thing from my mind. I really didn’t realize that you had such strong feelings about our relationship. If I had known that, I don’t think I would have been “so cruel.” I really don’t know what to say to you. I think it would be more cruel to you not to say anything and let you be in shock when you got home. I am very serious about this boy and I really feel you must know. I am not doing this to hurt you.
What does one say? I can’t stop my feelings and what is happening to me here. I naturally want to be friends with you but I don’t know how you feel about that. In other words if we continue to write, it would naturally be under different circumstances. Really Randy, this is so difficult trying to explain how things are, how I feel, how I felt before you left, our relationship, everything. I just don’t think its possible for you to understand through a letter. I can’t stop you from thinking that I’m cruel, and thoughtless and insensitive. I never meant to be any of these things. You must understand my position and know that it is very hard for me to write this letter. I really don’t know what else to say.
I suppose you’ll be taking your leave soon. Where and when are you going?
Things aren’t all that great here. Riots and no resolutions on college campus’ it seems everywhere.
School is ok. I’m feeling more like a teacher all the time – is that good?
Reading Brave New World & Revisited – really good. I see what you mean about Huxley.
Jil & Jerry’s address is:
Rt. 1 Road 29 Box 285 Woodland.
PS Got that bracelet – very pretty – Thank you mucho.